2012 U.S. Zombie Outbreak Map
Friday, 22 May 2009 14:15 | 
Author: Austin Of Locksley | 
Alright, here's the deal. Zombie Outbreaks are horrible, horrible things. This isn't your standard plague, this is the kind that replicates itself so quickly that there's little you can do to ward it off if you're not prepared. We at The J-FP have tasked our Science Team to give us an idea of how the outbreak would spread. According to them, things get crazy and when a scientist says things are going to get crazy you almost have to listen. Unless he's talking about pillow fights, in which case you would promptly smack him with a pillow. Read on to see a breakdown on how things will spin out of control.
In order to help determine how the infection would spread, we've found the 5 busiest airports in the U.S. and marked them as Zombie Hotzones. Zombie Hotzones are distinguished by the zombie head icon...
That however, is only the top five and you'll note that New York isn't even in the equation. You can't have the busiest city in the U.S. not in the equation. Only a stupid person wouldn't factor that in, and since our J-FP Science Crew aren't totally stupid we've asked them to factor it in along with a few other high traffic areas...
Let's lay down some ground rules before we get to the progression of the infection:
1. If you live in Alaska or Puerto Rico you are AUTOMATICALLY 2012 ready. It's too cold in Alaska, and who cares about Puerto Rico?!
2. This only details the spread of infection in the U.S.
3. As the infection spreads, other high traffic cities will become Zombie HotZones.
4. The infection progression is broken down into 7 slides, each representing 7 weeks.
5. Lakes and other bodies of water are excluded, but coast lines should be avoided at all costs. Zombies love sand.
Now, behold the progress of the infection...
There are a few things to point out here:
1. If you live in Hawaii, you're screwed. Get the hell off the island as quick as you can 'cause your tropical wonderland doesn't last a week...
2. If you live in Florida, you're screwed, especially if you're old.
3. The Zombie Hotzones in Texas do not spread due to everyone in Texas owning a gun.
4. We feel bad for the East Coast.
Now, you'll note that I mentioned that Texas has the equivalent of 5 guns to every individual, but didn't point out why Southern Idaho doesn't get infected. We'll get to that in just a minute. First I want to point out that Texas can't hold out forever. All the guns in the world don't amount to anything when you run out of ammunition. So that leaves Southern Idaho as the only safe haven WITHIN the continent. Why? Well that's simple really...
Now, our J-FP Science Team wants to point out that while The Grizz is protecting Southern Idaho from the zombie hordes, it is STILL possible to become infected. That's why we have to help everyone become 2012 Ready. Now that you know how things are going to go down, you'll need to be armed with info on how to survive. That's where we come into the picture. The J-FP SWAT Team are going to give us detailed instructions on what to do, what not to do, who to hang out with, who not to hang out with and what not to wear. It will be Fabulous!
--Austin of Locksley
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