Zombie Apocalypse in 2012 is inevitable and we all know this. We here at the JFP have provided, and will continue to provide, tips and information on how to survive this horrific onslaught only a few years away. If I know our readers, and staff, as well as I think I do, then I know that sometimes practicing the complicated maneuvers and techniques required to avoid and/or kill a zombie is just a bit too much activity. We are lazy. Don't argue with me, I am right and you know it, now go to your room (after finishing this read of course :)). So I have found a rare gem that just may be the key to surviving 2012. A zombie survival video game!

I know this seems impossible but there is in fact a video game about surviving a zombie overtaking. I have played nearly every game in existence and Zombies Ate My Neighbors is the ONLY video game related to zombies in any way. Listen closely to what Zombies Ate My Neighbors has to say if you do not want to be Left 4 Dead. This game will show you that the Resident Evil in these inhuman fleshlings is beyond imagining. When there are Dead Rising from every cemetery in the world, you will be glad to have taken the time to learn everything that Zombies Ate My Neighbors has to offer.

The title of this game couldn’t be more truthful. Zombies will eat your neighbors, end of story. Well unless they become certifiably 2012 ready, but that’s no easy feat, especially for your neighbors. Neighbors are always stupid and way lame. I don’t know why they always have to call the cops when I bury something in their backyard... 

First thing we can learn is that all men should be equipped with paper 3D glasses and all women should be brunettes. Sorry blondes, we will miss you. The glasses will provide maximum optical power to detect zombies from a distance and to protect against the rare Medusa-like zombies. Secondly we can see that regular water squirt guns are the weapon of choice when facing the undead. Wait, what? Eff that! I want a freakin' shotgun, or chainsaw, or... or... FRYING PAN! Oh good, I just noticed you get plenty more weapons throughout Zombies Ate My Neighbors. Like Bazookas!



Another thing we can learn from ZAMN is that when the zombies come, they won’t be alone. There will be many other terrifying and horrific creatures setting out to kill you. As seen in the picture above, little men with hatchets. Seem like no real challenge eh? WRONG! Play ZAMN and you will understand. Also, be prepared for the exact opposite, very large non-zombie-looking beasts such as the Giant Baby! It will step on you let the zombies get speedy access to your delicious gray matter.



Many times the zombies and company will be too much to handle even with the most robust arsenal. Fleeing will be necessary and is a great option in many situations. Don't get all macho and start wasting ammo carelessly. Learn when the time is right to just get the eff away. In order to assist with this process we will want to set up a complex system of neighborhood travel for quick and easy wall hopping and yard jumping. That's right, TRAMPOLINES. We will need to start plotting the trampoline grid within the next year to make sure it is properly designed and managed. Last thing we need when running from zombies is to have head-on collisions mid-air whilst tramp-jumping over a wall. Trampolines are the best option because zombies can walk, run, climb and even fly in rare instances, but they completely lack the coordination to jump on a trampoline. Except hunters, but they don't need trampolines because of their amazing jumping skill.



The moral of the story here is that through hard work and dedication we have chance of survival. ZAMN is a great guideline to help with this but only through diligence will we succeed in executing this strategy. So stock up on 3D glasses, hair dye, bludgeoning objects, firearms, stretched fabric and springs because you will need them. But the most important lesson we can learn is right in the title. Always remember that you don’t have to be faster than the zombie, just faster than your neighbor.