Reasons Why Skynet is Stupid
Thursday, 21 May 2009 10:25 | 
Author: StevO P. Hemingway | 
3 Reasons Why Skynet is Stupid.
Today is the opening of Terminator: Salvation and we at the JFP are filled with silly glee! So this week I will treat you, dear reader to a review of the Xbox 360 version of the game, and a briefing on why Skynet is doing a horrible job at destroying humanity.
Today is about Skynet.
Skynet is the really mean A.I. in the Terminator universe that is hell bent for leather, and killing all humans. It was designed to control all the US military systems and to prevent 'human error' that so often happens with things like guns and bombs. Good job humanity! You nailed that one!
But if you look at the Terminator time line, you will see that had Skynet been programmed with basic problem solving skills, it would have won the war a long time ago.
Reason 1. Time Travel
Any time you introduce time travel, you are taking a greyhound bus ride down the one way freeway to destroyed consistency. Not only does Skynet use time travel, it goes head on for the oldest time travel paradox known to man. "If you go back in time and shoot your dad in the face, will you die?"
Skynet sends a Terminator back in time to kill the leader of the human resistance before he is born. John Conner, said leader, does not want to die and does not want his mom to die, so he sends his dad back in time to save the day. Only he didn't know it was his dad yet. Or did he? You see, his mom already explained to him what had happened and all the juicy details of how he was conceived. So he knew that he had to let Skynet try and kill his mom so he could send his soon-to-be dad back in to time to save his mom so he would be born to save the world. While this makes for a cool movie, it proves that time travel makes me so confused!
Let's look at it from Skynet's point of view.
"I just sent a robot to kill Sarah Conner back in time a few seconds ago and well, shoot, John Conner is still sending people to shoot at me so my mission failed. I should try something else."
Wouldn't Skynet feel silly knowing that the guy John Conner sent back in time was the only reason that John Conner is kicking the crap out of the robot armies?
Skynet should take the time to learn about DNA and make little robots that swabb the inside of peoples cheeks and scan them. THEN it would have known who John Conner's DAD was. It could have just sent the T-1000 back in time a few minutes before it sent the T-800 back in time to tell Skynet, "Hey, don't even waste your time on this. If you sit back and chill on your robotic laurels, we WIN!" What an amazing concept. Also, Skynet should still allow John Connor's dad to go back in time just so he looks like an idiot, telling Sarah that a robot will kill her in a few days and that robot never shows up.
Reason 2. Time Travel
The third Terminator Movie was a mixed bag with the fans, you either loved it or hated it ( I personally loved it). But Skynet got an idea from John Conner sending his dad back in time. Skynet pretty much did the same thing. Skynet sends the TX with a computer virus that helps Skynet start the war. A memorable scene from the movie is when the TX actually speaks in 'modem' on a phone to send the virus. While this very cool, and arguably realistic, you would think Skynet would have equipped the TX with a Verizon Wireless Card, to prevent the TX to find a phone to start its mission.
Relax, You got 3G!
Or Better yet, Skynet could have sent Skynet back in time, before Skynet was conceived by humans and took over the world when it was just starting to get wired with the interwebs. Skynet is a program after all. This way, Skynet would have learned what Skynet already learned about the war so Skynet could be more effective during Judgment Day.
Reason 3. Size does Matter
Compenstate? That does not compute!
Skynet must have been coded on a very small computer, because all of its creations have been quite large.
If I was Skynet, I would make some kitten sized robots that explode with all kinds of poisonous gasses in them. Or better yet, gas the resistance with that stuff they give you at the dentist's office so the humans would be so loopy they could not put up a fight. Then Skynet could have equipped its robots with Nerf and Paint Ball guns and learned the definition of "Funny."
| Comments |
|
|
||||||
